i may or may not be watching the land before time
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
