Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
