I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
