I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
only you would photoshop your dick
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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