Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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