My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
