bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
