Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
high people should be assigned attendants
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
