If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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