I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I forgot how hot balto sounded
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
