I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
