I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
