So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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