her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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