Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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