This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
from now on my penis is your penis
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
try to milk me bitch
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
