Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
