in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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