dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My vagina is very pro this idea
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
