I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
