then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
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