So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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