I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
