If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
The Olympian is in my bed
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
