I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
