True but thats because hes a fetus.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
