You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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