My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
