Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
