How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
