A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
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