drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
