last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
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It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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