ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
