You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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