Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
