I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
im holly from the hills drunk
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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