Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
