I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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