Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
