White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
