I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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