is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
