The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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