She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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