he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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