so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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