paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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