screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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