i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
