it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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