you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Actions speak louder than pants.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
