Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
