What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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