Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
