I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
