I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
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