I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
