Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize