Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
