fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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