Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
