Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
