He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
