dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
