You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
