Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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