you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
