I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
